Am I The Asshole?
In Milwaukee, the inherent tension of this Midwest Bagel Quest became clear to me. Can the daughter/granddaughter of small business owners comfortably judge bagels from small business bagel shops?
By the time my son was four years old, I was no longer able to beat him at checkers. This had something to do with his strategic mind, but it had a lot to do with the fact that I was thinking about the move in front of me and not the fact that I was a turn away from a double jump situation. Which is to say that while I knew in an abstract way that I was going to render my NY-bagel judgment on very nice people working hard to make very nice bagels...now that the moment is here, I'm somehow surprised.
Last year, Jenny and I went to Milwaukee, our second stop on the quest. We brought a bag of Ruby’s bagels to the home of Milwaukee Public Historian Adam Carr to eat bagels and hear some of his Milwaukee stories. Adam and I talk about the tension between judging and the human connections we are making with people who took time out of their day to discuss their bagels with us. (An audio snippet of that conversation is below.)
The Bagel Quest Judging Categories:
I created two very different categories that are both core to my bagel experience and also made it easy for me to find something positive to say about each bagel shop.
Category one: Will I walk half a mile out of my way to buy and eat one of their bagels? Explanation of this category. My family owned a small appliance store on 98th and Broadway in Manhattan. The store was within a block of amazing food. A Korean deli, a Chinese restaurant with dumplings I loved, pizza by the slice. I had no need to walk far to eat well. My favorite bagel shop was 15 blocks away (technically 3/4 of a mile) and more often than not, I would walk the blocks to eat a hot out-of-the-oven bagel. Upshot: Does this bagel taste amazing enough to put in effort to get to it?
Category two: Would I buy a dozen bagels for a proper bagel spread? Explanation of this category. In its most natural habitat, a bagel is part of a spread. Tuna salad, cream cheese with chives, cucumber, lox, tomato, red onion, white fish. So the bagel needs to be easy to tear with your teeth while it has a stack of food on it, and allows you to keep talking so you don't lose your place in the conversation. The flavor of the bagel can't compete with the spread, and it can't be so dense that you fill up too quickly to have the third half of the bagel since you still haven’t had the tuna and cucumber bagel. Upshot: How (New York) Jewish is this bagel?
What are your bagel judgment categories? I would love to know. Please share in the comments below.
As far as assholes go, check about this article about my brother and what happened when he thought Boichik bagels were too expensive. https://jweekly.com/2021/06/14/financial-advisers-joking-critique-of-boichik-bagels-lands-flat/
I think my brother got the asshole award there.
Definitely not. BUT, I do think it must be hard to give a thumbs down to a place especially when they have been nice to you. That would be hard for me.